A few months after being sentenced to one year in prison including six months under electronic bracelet for two sexual assaults In an evening, the actor Nicolas Bedos released a book, “The thirst for shame”, in bookstores on May 7. On the occasion of this publication, the author confides in the Pointon his judicial setbacks but also on the rape of which he was the victim.
Nicolas Bedos explains that this work ripened in his head long before two women accused him of sexual assault. An era when his alcoholism was consumed: “Before I was even accused of anything, I felt that I was slipping. Solitary Cuites, interminable mourning of my father, emotional wanderings … I wanted to understand. When a woman filed a complaint against me, at the very moment when I learned that I was going to become a father, writing changed in nature. “Guy Bedos’ son adds:” It has become a bare, first for myself, like a diary. The real first pages were gumped during police custody. »»
He “contested viscerally the nature of the facts”
According to him, his book is an introspection: “I do not just analyze the behavior that was criticized for me and for which I was judged. I ask a way of living, a way of loving. »»
This unfaithful inveterate argues: “Today, I realize that this has generated a lot of suffering. Recognizing this part of me allowed me to better collect what happened two years ago, after having first experienced it as completely unfair and disproportionate. But I no longer even try to defend myself on the facts that have been criticized for me. What matters is that I hurt. Most often unwittingly, but I did it. Lots of men of my generation made mistakes, but I think I have made more than others. »»
“I accepted my pain”
Nicolas Bedos admits having entrenched himself in denial at the time of the accusations because he “remembered anything” and “viscerally disputed the nature of the facts” which were accused. He adds: “And then I thought and I ended up understanding that beyond the facts themselves, there was a behavior problem, something that was not going well. »»
According to him, “justice considered that the behavior that I had that night was a sexual assault and she wanted to send a strong signal. The lawyer for the civil party said it himself: it is a sanction educational ». This makes the writer say that his “case is part of a social movement”.
If he did not appeal his conviction, it is not to “enclose the complainants, my family and myself in two or three years of additional procedure. “He recalls:” I was sentenced for two gestures. A hand on the crotch, over pants, in a nightclub. And a kiss in the neck of a waitress. I challenged the intention, not speech. I accepted my pain. I knew that by appealing, I would not win neither peace nor nuance. »»
In his book, Nicolas Bedos also says he was the victim of rape. Whoever was condemned for sexual violence explains: “I was aware of being sexually assaulted and the repercussions it had on my psyche, but I did not know that it was called rape. “He says:” If I speak in the book, it is because this very gloomy period of my life, the humiliations that I have suffered, are part of this famous thirst for shame. However, he defends himself from looking for an apology. “I am very clear, I do not use it like a shield. I am not saying: I suffered, so I’m apologized. I say: ” I suffered, so I understand some of my flaws a little better. »
Nicolas Bedos says he has never “considered” to file a complaint against “this person, very admired at the time” who “saw his life sink in a fairly tragic way thereafter”. He concludes: “Rightly or wrongly, I believe that he paid. »»
