La Croix L’Hebdo : How are you ?
Olivia : I’m doing well. I am happy to be able to do this interview while respecting Al-Anon’s principle of anonymity. This is a fundamental principle of this association that I joined several years ago. She organizes support groups between relatives of alcoholics, I went there because my ex-husband was. Anonymity allows participants to speak with confidence. One day, while joining a group, I came across someone I knew and who knew my ex-husband. She reassured me, no one would know she had seen me here. People protect the secret, that’s why it works. This is why I prefer to speak to you under a pseudonym.
Does Operation “Dry January” raise awareness?
O : The event allows you to question your own consumption and, more generally, to talk about the subject. This is all the more important since in France, there is a taboo around alcohol. Wine consumption is valued, it is anchored in the culture. Not to mention the lobbies, which remain powerful. This awareness is therefore crucial. It is also a way of engaging in dialogue with people sick with alcohol. At Al-Anon, we remind you that for one alcoholic person, five are affected… The association should be as well known as Alcoholics Anonymous (the two associations have a common history and base, Editor’s note).
How did you find out about Al-Anon?
O : I lived a lot in the United States and knew Al-Anon there. My sister, who had been addicted to drugs and alcohol, went to a treatment center. A family week was organized, where relatives discovered the association. I started meetings for my ex-husband in the United States before continuing in France.
When I arrived, I felt alone and afraid. In meetings, I found a kind welcome, I identified with other people even though our lives were different. We bare ourselves a little during these moments. I learned to be honest about my behavior because I had my part in our difficulties. I pointed the finger at my ex-husband, I thought it was all his fault. Then I evolved.
What is the daily life of someone close to someone suffering from alcoholism?
O : My ex-husband had a bottle of whiskey at the foot of the bed. There are all kinds of situations, but for him it was more of a fairly serious outburst, during which his behavior changed. For example, when we had to have dinner with friends, I had to call several times to cancel. I was angry and almost contemptuous. I was ashamed.
What do you share with these other loved ones of alcoholics?
O : I think that what brings us together is precisely emotions. Meetings allow you to be understood by others. Alone, I don’t know how I would have gotten out of it. Alcoholism is a disease, it’s not just a bad habit. I thought all he had to do was stop drinking and everything would be better. It was wrong! I had no empathy.
I learned not to judge, not to be aggressive. The association allows you to develop your gratitude. These are the little things that allow us to put the spotlight on ourselves rather than on the alcoholic. And stop obsessing about herbehavior. What time will he come home? In what state? Is he going to have an accident?
What gives you joy?
O : Since the start of the school year, I have been a volunteer with the “C’Possible” association which mentors young people. I didn’t have children, so I’m happy to help them. I worked in a recruitment firm, I was an executive assistant, press officer and guide. At the moment, thanks to all these experiences, I am helping a young person to write his CV and cover letters. I also try to let him benefit from my network. I really like to be of service, it’s rewarding.
Your last anger?
O : As a Franco-American, I am afraid of Donald Trump. I am very sad about his election last November. He has succeeded in persuading a majority of people that he comes from the people when not at all, he comes from a rich and privileged background. To me, Trump is a liar, he and the people around him can radically transform the country. The risk of authoritarian drift worries me a lot.
1. The first name has been changed.