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NOS Nieuws•vandaag, 23:10
Shame, fear and guilt. They are three major enemies of victims of online sexual violence and the main reason that they are so little talked about.
Today it was announced that 24-year-old Gianni de W. is suspected of extorting more than a hundred girls. The Public Prosecution Service speaks of “one of the largest investigations in the Netherlands ever”.
150 folders with different girls’ names were found on his computer, sometimes containing thousands of photos of the victim. He threatened to put the photos online if they didn’t send him even more footage.
Presumably, the practices had been going on for years, which raises the question of why the matter did not come to light sooner. “Perpetrators threaten to harm you or your loved ones if you go to the police,” says victim lawyer Priya Soekhai in the radio program Langs de Lijn En Omstreken. “A perpetrator puts a lot of pressure on a child, it is very difficult to deal with that. Feelings of shame and fear predominate.”
‘Why did you do that!?’
Victim Support Netherlands supports victims of online abuse, including a number of girls in the De W’s case. Jiska Dijk is a psychosocial advisor at the organization and supports victims in processing and the legal process.
“The impact is enormous. A lot of anxiety and gloom arise, because what would others think of this?”, says Dijk. The feeling of being judged in particular plays a role in whether or not to report the crime or to come forward with what exactly happened. Dijk states that the first reaction of parents or relatives is often: why did you do that?
“Such a reaction actually only causes more damage,” says the Victim Support adviser. “It’s better to ask what you can help him or her with and what someone needs.”
It can happen to anyone’s child.
Victim lawyer Soekhai about online sexual abuse
Soekhai is not surprised by the size of the case. “The internet is so accessible, this happens regularly. A child molester used to accost you on the street, but now they are behind their screen,” says the lawyer. “It really can happen to anyone’s child.”
Prevention is better than cure: it’s a popular saying for a reason, but how do you prevent online sexual violence? “People pretend to be peers and then the threshold is a lot lower. It is extremely difficult to prevent this,” says Soekhai.
‘Don’t Judge’
Anke van Dijke, director of Fier, a center of expertise in the field of sexual violence, says that we need to invest more in making it easier for children to talk about it. “Institutions such as De Kindertelefoon or a chat function help with this,” says Van Dijke in Nieuwsuur. Because the effects of online sexual violence, according to the driver, have just as much impact on your body and on your mental well-being as physical sexual violence, it is taboo to talk about it.
What can you do as a parent or as a teacher to point out the dangers of social media to children? Soekhai: “Keep talking to your children about this. Don’t judge them, but make sure they dare to confide in you.”
According to Van Dijke van Fier, the most important thing is to break the silence. “Do not respond to your child out of emotion. Say that whatever happened, that it is not his or her fault,” says Van Dijke. “We should also emphasize that more: it is not your fault.”
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