She was a trans girl and decided to be a man again: she took off the silicones and started the “detransition”

Milena and Emiliano, now

Milena was born during the New Year of 2016. She was a newborn, although she had already lived 18 years as a boy named Emiliano. During the years that followed that night, Milena traveled the path of “the transition”, the same one that most transvestites and trans girls usually go through: she put silicones, hyaluronic acid to thicken her lips, changed her name and her gender in his document and took care to hide, despite the pain, his genitals.

Who now speaks with Infobae, however, is Emiliano again. The thick lips are not so thick anymore and where there were silicones there is now a flat chest again and two horizontal scars where they were removed. The genitals are no longer squeezed inside a trick machine and his name and the “F” for “feminine” on his ID are, once again, in the process of change.

On one side, still with the breast implants, on the other, now, with the scars

What Emiliano did is something that is rarely talked about, although it exists. It is called “gender detransition” which, according to the definition of the National Center for Transgender Equality, means “reliving the sex assigned at birth”. The question is, of course, why? Why go back, with how difficult it usually is to come out of the closet and dare to live publicly as a trans girl? Why remove her breasts, when she had wanted to put them on? Why use her birth name again on her ID?

That is what the story is about that now Emiliano, who is about to turn 25, chose to tell Infobae.

Between Barbies and Mortal Kombat

He was born in Mar del Plata and in his memories he is a child playing with Barbies, sometimes dressed in a range of roses, others secretly parading with his mother’s skirt. He is, at the same time, a boy playing ball on legs, a boy in front of the Play killing enemies wildly in Mortal Kombat.

Before making the transition and after, when the silicones had not yet been put on

He knew, although no one had told him explicitly, that boys had to like girls, so as he grew older, he pieced the story together as best he could.

“A boy at school told me what it was like to be bisexual so at 14 I came out as bisexual to my family. It was a quilombo, a revolution, I was the first homosexual person in the family. Later, almost at 17, I directly said ‘enough’. That’s it, I already tried it, I don’t like girls, I’m gay.

Doubts had always hovered over his sexual orientation, that is, do you like boys or girls? Never, however, had they landed on their gender identity, that is, what gender do I feel? masculine because I have a penis? feminine, even though I have a penis?

He is from Mar del Plata but now lives in the City of Buenos Aires

Emiliano was 15 years old when he took advantage of a costume party to try: he dressed “as a transvestite”, which at that time he considered “a costume”. A few years later, and with the help of a friend who did shows as a drag queen, he began to be a drag queen, that is, a young man who “mounted” a female character with wigs, heels and glitter to do a show in a bowling alley. Then, back home, he’d take it all off and be him again.

“Milena started out as a character but I immediately found an empowerment that I had never felt before. She felt strong, powerful, I did not love myself as much as a man, but when she transformed me into Milena, she loved me, “he tells Infobae. “There came a time when I no longer wanted to go back and take everything from me. When the night was over I wanted to continue with my long hair, my bra, my panties, I wanted to continue being that strong woman”.

“Milena made me feel powerful,” she says.

Emiliano was still living in Mar del Plata the morning he gathered up all his men’s clothes and piled them on the couch.

“It was supposed to be clothes to give away because I didn’t use them anymore, not because it was for a boy, but that day my mom woke me up and asked me: ‘What are you doing that you’re going to give away all these clothes? Are you going to start going out dressed as a woman or what?’” Emiliano replied “I don’t know”; his mother told him: “Don’t tell me ‘I don’t know’. You’re cutting my arm off with a dull knife.”

Ella

That New Year’s Eve of 2016 Emiliano stopped being called Emiliano and became Milena. She told the rest of her that she was a trans girl and asked that they start treating her with feminine pronouns.

Milena was born in the New Year of 2016

“I was transitioning little by little, the first year was heavyalways is heavy the beginning. In addition, I did not have the support of my family, at that time everything was quite bad. It was hard, but I did it, I gave it my all. Having boobs, for example, was what I had always dreamed of.”

She was 21 years old when Milena moved to the City of Buenos Aires and entered an operating room for the first time. She came out with breast implants and lips filled with hyaluronic acid. By then she already had hair extensions and was wearing very tight panties (they are panties that contain the genitals), something she regrets.

“Having boobs, for example, was what I had always dreamed of,” she says.

“Although I was aware that I was a trans girl, I believed that I had to see myself as a biological woman, yes or yes, that’s why I used those tricksters. It would be nice if the world could accept that there are girls with a bulge too, we don’t have to always be hanged, ”she thinks now. The former Big Brother, Valeria Licciardi, spoke about this topic in a recent interview with Infobae: “We are women with a penis, there is nothing to change,” she said.

From that talk with her mother there was a promise that Milena could not keep: “The only thing I ask of you is that you do not get involved in prostitution”, she had asked him. But the truth is that, as soon as the transition began, Milena began to be a “sex worker”.

Valeria Licciardi spoke at Infobae about the importance of recognizing trans bodies as they are

The word “escort” or “work” is not casual in Emiliano’s mouth because both he now and Milena at the time are on the side of those who maintain that prostitution is also a job. On the other side are the transvestites and trans who believe, on the contrary, that prostitution is a tortuous destiny into which they fall, not by choice, but because of a lack of opportunities.

sex for money

“I had tried to work in a clothing store where they had accepted me as I was, but they paid me very little. What I saw was that in no job that I could get at 18 years old, with no experience and being trans, they were going to pay me as much as in sex work, ”says Emiliano.

To the left, before doing the “detransition”, to the right, now

Milena wanted to have money to travel to the city, rent an apartment and have surgery, and proposals from heterosexual men rained down on her: “That’s the way a straight man can have sex with a trans girl. By paying, she makes sure that she is not going to call him again, that there is not going to be any sentimental bond. That’s it: you went, you took, you enjoyed, you paid and you left”.

again he

It wasn’t a one-day bawdy, a disguise. It was almost five years in which Milena was Milena, until she began to put into words everything that was bothering her.

On the one hand, all the effort he had to make so that the mirror gave him back a feminine image. She had had many injections of hyaluronic acid to have full lips, “because it never seemed enough.” Suddenly what she had done seemed too much.

“It was never enough,” he confesses.

He told some of that in a video that he uploaded to his networks in June 2020, in the midst of a pandemic, which he titled “confession.” “At 22 years old I began to miss being a boy. I miss throwing myself headfirst into the sea and not letting a tit come out here, an egg coming out there, all the hair on my face, drowned. Being trans is complicatedhe told the camera.

It was still Milena, because in the video she is naked and covered in a fuchsia robe, lipstick, long pink hair.

From Joker in a thong to the gay man he was again

I had begun to think what it was going to be like to grow old – “Am I going to be bald up here, like the bald circle that men have and am I going to have to wear a wig all my life?”-.

He didn’t want to continue having surgery, “I didn’t want to continue squeezing my private parts. I also didn’t want to feel what men make you feel when you’re a trans girl, that they want you here, between four walls, but then they don’t even want to go to the kiosk with you. The truth is that I admire women, let alone trans women. Being a man in this world is much easier, as a boy I was not used to this type of rejection.

It was in that video that Milena said that she was going to start the “detransition” to become a man again, a process that “cost me many tears,” she says now. “It is that Milena was my life project, my dream. I had reached a very high level in my transition, I felt beautiful, but that beauty had a cost. In femininity everything hurts: clothes, heels. And I came from being a man on legs, in leather and in soccer shorts, ”she adds.

The first step of the “detransition” was to cut your hair again

“I cried a lot because I gave everything but it was not enough: they never stopped treating me badly, they never stopped treating me like a man when I entered a business. It was very frustrating to realize that even if I put on the face of Angelina Jolie it would not be enough. There are trans girls who fight against it every day and they take it back, I got fed up with this fight, I couldn’t take it anymore.

The survey of National Center for Transgender Equality sOn “gender detransition” he investigated, in fact, why. The study was done in 2015 on almost 30,000 trans people: 8% said they had detransitioned. The three most frequent reasons were social: “Pressure from parents”, “the transition process was very complicated”, “they faced too much harassment and discrimination”.

“There are trans girls who fight against it every day and they take it back, I got tired of this fight, I couldn’t take it anymore,” he says

“My fear was that everyone would think I was crazy, like ‘what’s wrong with this wacko who goes back and forth between genres?’ Always thinking of others, ”she laments. And he closes:

“The truth is that the sequence is to be true to oneself. If at one point I felt more like a woman than a man and decided to make the transition, that’s perfect. Ultimately it is my body and it is my decision. And if today my life project changed, that’s fine too, the important thing is to feel comfortable, happy. And that’s how I feel.”

KEEP READING:

Being a trans and lesbian woman: “My mother told me, why did you transition if you are not going to like men?” He kicked out of the house” Alone with Tiziana, the trans girl who broke the silence at 8 years old: “I dreamed that I looked at myself in the mirror and I was a girl”

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